[BLISTIC]

cure for lonliness....first off I want to find myself crap means she has something better out there waiting....or so she thinks. Been there and done that...and they are still in the same spot and I have moved on to better.
Your next question.....how do I find chicks.???..You have it right there on your key ring. Crank it up and drive it....chicks flocked to my car ..even in primer and with seats that looked something awful.
Just a little hint to top it off. Find a lady that enjoys cars. You have more in common with her this way and you'll never hear the "you love your car more than me" or spending to much time with it and not her.

 

[HoosierBuddy]

Great advice above.

What really sucks about this situation (and I've been through pretty much EXACTLY the same) is that she's got you as her back up plan if her "finding herself" thing doesn't work out. I know you feel lost and sad right now. The next phase will probably be anger. Don't do anything stupid.

Instead, put your energies to work meeting new people...just as friends. Keep an eye open for anyone you are interested in that you can ask out. DON'T BE AFRAID. When I think back to all the interesting women I never asked out because I was too scared, it really makes me sad. I was lucky in that after ex left to find herself, I met my SWMBO (married 11 years now with 3 kids) and I have A MUCH HAPPIER LIFE. After I had been dating my SWMBO for about a month, my ex showed up and wanted to patch things up. HA! Take a hike B_! Well...I was nicer than that...but not a whole lot nicer.

Ideas I have personnally used to meet women. Use at your own risk.

Start going to church. For one thing God wants you to. For another it will lead to your eternal salvation. errr...It's also a great place to meet women...particularly if it is a large church with a singles group.

Join a Y and take some classes. Pick classes that women participate in...not aerobics or anything...more like Kickboxing or Cross Training.

Sign up for a not for credit class through continuing ed. I took a Photography class one time for example. You learn a lot of fun stuff and meet some people.

Volunteer for somthing like Habitat for Humanity. You'll meet people there and it's a good cause.

As far as not sleeping. This is probably caused by depression and may last for sometime. In my opinion, excersise is the best cure. Go run five miles. When you get home you will be tired. You will sleep. If that doesn't work they sell sleeping pills at the drug store which you might try for a few days. If you still can't sleep, or find yourself still depressed, go see a doctor. Depression is a medical condition and sometimes requires treatment.

Good good luck to you.

Phil

p.s. Don't forget...when you get mad....and you probably WILL get mad...don't do anything stupid. It just isn't worth it.

 

[FordDude]

A lot of good advise has been posted here. I remember when 6T6mustang went through the same thing. The only advise that I could give him was that time heals all wounds. Think about it, how much did it hurt Sunday night? 3 days later the pain is still there, but does it hurt as much as it did 5 minutes after she walked out the door? You gotta find something to do in your spare time now. Many good suggestions. I wish that when I was your age I had the internet at my fingertips. If you really do want to meet someone else why not try the information superhighway? One last thing that you need to do is pick one picture of you and Jamian. But only one, hey if it takes you some time to pick only one that is OK. Put all of the rest in a box for safe keeping. You are not removing her from your life by taking down pictures, merely moving on. Good luck. fd

 

[sharkmouth]

Dump her

 

[camachinist]

All I can say, is having had a niece and nephew-to-be (marrying next year after 8 years of being together) go to UCD, and visiting them there, is to get yourself a bicycle and get out and ride! Hot babes on bikes are always fun to follow in a paceline and they have other talents, if you know what I mean. *G* Davis is a beautiful place to jog and ride around in.

Sometimes I wonder why I ever got married...hehe

If she's spending time by herself and with her girlfriends, that's great. If she's dating other guys, after being with you for 4 years, that's a good indicator as well, though not one you'll likely treasure. Give it a year, enjoying your singleness in the meantime. You're bound to run into each other...Davis is a small town.

Best of luck!

 

[BLISTIC]

If she's spending time by herself and with her girlfriends, that's great. If she's dating other guys, after being with you for 4 years, that's a good indicator as well, though not one you'll likely treasure. Give it a year, enjoying your singleness in the meantime. You're bound to run into each other...Davis is a small town.

Best of luck! [/quote]

If it is dating other guys,,,,,tell her to hit the skids and make sure you never let her come back. From experience...you'll be wondering and asking questions and it'll eat you up in side more and more..and ten month's down the road you'll be in worst shape.
As a buddy of mine said after I got dumped on pretty hard one time.....".is there only one fish in the sea? Hell NO! 'There's all kinds of snappers out there! "

 

[71grande]

You know, there is alot of truth to the "don't get tied down so young" argument. Like you, I tended to get into longer-term relationships in my late teens. I hated it when my mother would tell me that it wasn't too healthy to do this. But you know what? MOM was RIGHT! I can't say that I was in 4 - 5 year relationships, but if my math is right, you and your gf have been together pretty much since you started dating? I think she's recognized the significance of that point, and she's doing something about it. It would be a good idea for you to move along and do the same. After all, how are you going to determine what you REALLY like in a SWMBO if you don't have a variety of experiences? As an earlier post mentioned, it's better to learn now rather than later after you've really made a significant commitment.

Regarding meeting others, I agree that church is a good place. What I recall from college is that most campuses have religious groups/church affiliations. By checking into/attending one of these, you can accomplish multiple goals! One is getting in touch with your spirituality. Secondly, though, is the opportunity to get in touch with your spirituality around people who are like-aged and like-minded! Churches are great for meeting people, but as mentioned before, the church has to have an active singles group. Campus churches already have this going for them!

Good luck! Keep wrenching, and experience life!

 

[fdreano]

The biggest fallacy going is that you will eventually change your partner into that perfect companion. If you think your g/f will change..or she thinks you will change to suit one another it simply doesn't happen. Look at it this way..do you want to invest another 4 years and she realized you might not be 'the one' and takes another sabbatical on you. Let it go and move on.

 

[jester66]

Dude, that sucks. My heart goes out to you, I know exactly how you feel, right down to the not eating and sleeping part. I've been through it several times.

The one thing I can say for sure is that it's really hard in the beginning, and seems insurmountable, but after a while you'll wonder what you were so upset about. It doesn't seem possible, but it's true. I promise. All of us have been through this and all of us have survived. It's one of those things you've got to experience at least once in life.

Furthermore, whatever doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. You'll be a better and stronger person for having lived through this.

If there's even a chance that you two were not right for each other, better to end it now than after marriage and kids. It would be 100 times worse at that point. I've seen too many people who got married young end their marriage in misery. In fact, I can't think of a single person I know who got married under 25 who is still together and/or happy. Not one.

I think this is because you're a different person at 17 then at 21, and then again at 25, and then again (maybe a little less so) at 30. It doesn't seem like it, but that's really how it works. You'll look back in about five years and wonder who the hell you thought you were back then. I know I do.

Finally, the best decisions I have ever made were as follows:
- Qutting smoking at age 14
- Not marrying my high-school sweetheart at 21
- Moving the hell out of Wisconsin to live in California
- Waiting until I was over 30 to get married. At that point, I was a whole person, and my SWMBO was a whole person, and we knew what we wanted out of life. It's been bliss ever since.

In the meantime, keep busy. You've got a great hobby. Join a cycling group. Your whole life is ahead of you. We'll all be here pulling for you.

 

[kllchem]

Consider yourself lucky. Married for 35 + years. Remember one thing as you go through life "women marry for love and divorce for money".

 

[dvturnupseed]

I'v been watching your post since you started it, Look at the family you have ::. I'v been through 2 divorces (maby there's somthing wrong with me :. It's not the end of life as you know it, just a change. I guess that I was one of the lucky ones, I found Stephanie (tiggermom). She has to be the one thing in my life that keeps it together. We have our ups and downs but we do together. Trust me, life is what you make it.

Get out and discover what is going around you and dont look for any one, it will find you, probably right between the eyes.

Go to the Montery Historics with Autoxsteve and opentracker, Go to the meet in the middle and you can get a good chuckle at tiggermom's and my golf score, in fact I dare you to show up. You can get hug from tiggermom in person .

You sound like a very level headed person and a great guy, Hell it's her loss and your gain. One thing that I learned, you can't make her do what you want so drive her crazy with envy :: .

You can PM me or tiggermom if you want, or just about any body that has responded to your post, you have a family right here on the VMF.

 

[camachinist]

If it is dating other guys,,,,,tell her to hit the skids and make sure you never let her come back

These folks are young and have been together since their mid-teens. Their emotions are maturing and playing the field is part of that. You'll note I said dating, not having sexual relations. Those are two different things, you know. An honorable woman (or man) is discrete and particular about his/her sexual partners.

I also said that the indicator the girlfriend is providing by dating other men is one which he likely will not treasure. That's my way of saying he'll likely be hurt but it's a good indicator nonetheless. Sorry if I wasn't clear. Emotions, when young, seem so immediate and intense. Life experience tempers such impetuousness.

 

[L20068]

Wow guys, I am stunned! I never knew this much support would come!

I have to go to work now, but I'll reply as many as I can tonight when I come home.

I am not ignoring the thread, just going to work!

I have read through all the posts, though, and appreciate all the input. I feel loved

14 private messages and 8 e-mails too... It's gonna take a billion years to read them all. Thanks guys, it means a lot to me and Lottie!

 

[66gt350]

Hey Anthony,

I feel for ya...I don't know what else I can add to all of the good advice above. But just get out and keep busy and your mind off of everything. If you just sit and stew over the events, you will explode. Don't ask me how I know.

Sometime if you want to get out of Davis for a day or two, the door's wide open for ya.

Hang in there.

 

[Recon101]

EAT, Drink (not to excess), and LIVE your life. There is no special pill, no tonic, no nothing to help you emotionally. However, thereis this forum of like souls. We all have our down times, but it it how we handle them that brings us back to sanity. Spend this time doing that which you have always wanted to do. Go on a trip, not in state, but far. Avoid Tibet! Pick yurself up, dust off and see what this blue planet has to offer. Believe me, there is plenty out there for you to discover. Just remember, we are always here. ::

 

[Lemondrop]

You could end up worse like me .
I was in College and my Girlfriend was killed by a drunk driver .
I got out of school months later (graduated) and moved back home where I was a virtual hermit .
I did not do much of anything but concentrated on making both my Mustangs nice(r) . I tinkered with my 83 and polished on my 65 until my parents were ready to kill me for not having a job . I took up a job in a tire store and there I met one of my best friends . He invited me over to look at his fathers F-150 , as it needed work and he knew I had graduated Tech College and I guess he could tell I needed a friend .
I was hoping after her death that I would go back home and find all my old buddies and everything would be fine . Bad thing was I did not realize that all my school chums would be gone . They had graduated High School like me and left for the military , college , and who knows where .
So there I was , alone with nobody around ... I was wishing I had not moved back home since I knew so many people were I was just at .
After I found a new friend and started hanging out the world opened up for me . I started meeting women who happened to be coming around the places me and my new buddy went .
I dated untold amounts of different women until I found one who was a nice girl and settled into a relationship . Not long into it (of course after I was attached) she decided she needed to "Experience" and dumped me .
I figured I was doomed to a life of hell , girlfriends die or just leave .
I then talked to my old man and he told me something that woke me up ........ He said "Son , Women are like trains .... if you miss one another will be along in a few minutes " .
I said F it and jumped back into the dating scene , I went through several good women whom would have made perfect partners but I would never let them believe I was attached to them .. so they would move along .
Finally I did the same thing to one woman and I dumped her , not realizing my ignorance slapping away at me .
It was a couple months later and I was at my buddies house and she stopped by the house with her new boyfriend , looking to see if someone could break a 50 up cause the corner store would not let her use it .
I happened to open the front door when she walked up and knocked . When the door swung open my guts about fell out on the floor . I had the time-true butterflies .
Within a week she dumped the new guy and was back with me . That was 11 years ago and now we have been married for 9 years with 2 daughters .
You gotta find a way to help yourself and friends is the best way . Ditch the PC and go find a buddy to hang out with . Just because your not 21 it won't stop you from finding women .
BTW , my ex-girlfriend who went out to "experience" ended up sleeping with just about every guy I knew ........

 

[bishir]

She didn't leave you for a guy with Flowmasters did she?

LOL I couldn't help it... Sorry

 

[dvturnupseed]

Lemondrop, a sad but good story, I'm glad things turned out good for you

 

[CAponyboy]

Aw man!!! I thought Kent would have been the one!!!!

re: women being like trains....very funny....I think life is like that...

if you miss one good opportunity, another will find its way...

 

[Gene_J]

Welcome to the human race. I really can't add much to what everybody has said.

Someone once said (me as it turns out)all good relationships end tragically. Either you breakup, or a nasty divorce and feel some pain or you are married for 50 years and they pass away. If you didn't miss her it would not have been much of a relationship.

If this one was great the next one will be too. Not the same mind you different but great non the less.

What does this mean? Enjoy every moment of a good relationship.