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5,417 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
> 1. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a
> relative.
> 2. I live in my own little world. But it's OK...they know me
> here.
> 3. I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said
> "Implants?"
> 4. I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect
> just standing up really fast.
> 5. Sign In Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
> 6. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to
> live with.
> 7. I got a sweater for Christmas... I wanted a screamer or a
> moaner.
> 8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the
> terminal?
> 9. I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of
> them get elected.
> 10. The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has
> absolutely no trade-in value.
> 11. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and poophead's.
> 12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you
> tomatoes, make Bloody Mary's. But if it deals you a truckload of hand
> THAT'S a message!!
> 13. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling
> alley.
> 14. I am a nobody, and nobody's perfect; therefore I'm perfect.
> 15. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of
> consecutive days I've stayed alive.
> 16. Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
> 17. If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many
> dead rabbits on the highway?
> 18. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and
> 50 for Miss America?
> 19. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a
> peeing section in a swimming pool?
> 20. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see
> naked?
> 21. The next time you feel like complaining remember: Your
> garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people
> this
> world.
> 22. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
> 23. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise
> words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

657 Posts
I needed that this morning!!
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