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So this is why men choose to lie:

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out "JESUS", the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?" The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, "JESUS", the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez. "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three.

Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.

That's our story, and we're sticking to it.
 

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So true...so true!!!
 

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Nice try, but they won't buy it! ;)
 

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They would have to be:
#1 The check is in the mail.

#2 I love you, and I will call.

#3 I won't c*m in your mouth. ::

fd
 

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#3 I won't c*m in your mouth
There are much more accomodating spaces for that....
 

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Since this post seems to be going this way anyway . . .

The Two Biggest Lies in the World (told by persons of Both gender):

1) "I never masturbate", and,

2) "I never pee in the shower". ::

Rick
 

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I think Bob is allowing us one opportunity to "cathart." =)

2) "I never pee in the shower".
I'd say that this DEFINITELY is more for MEN than WOMEN. I mean, thinking about female plumbing, peeing in the shower (standing up) doesn't exactly seem to be very efficient or comfortable.

Anywayss....lol.
 

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Sorry... http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung/sprachlos/speechless-smiley-034.gif I just could not help myself. :p fd
 

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Kids... I tell ya. You can't live with em and you can't kill em.
Well Dad I thought it was you can live with us and you can't find a place to hide the bodies. :p

OK pop I promise to behave myself from now on. :: fd
 

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I can't make that promise!
 

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Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez."


ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, so THAT'S where the term "high maintenance" comes from....

randy :: ::
 
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