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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey guys.... I know this is an Off Topic subject, but I need some advice on how to handle this situation. I have a friend who I thought was clean. He used to be a heroine and speed junkie, but had gone thru treatment, and was/is on a methadone program. Well, he came over to hang out this weekend, and was acting wierd Friday and Saturday. Very hyper, and fidgety. So I asked him Sunday if he was using and he said no. He swore he was clean. Well, Sunday afternoon he started acting disoriented and groggy. Today he could barely function. My nephew asked me if he was drunk or something. I took him home, and he said he was just really tired. Well, after taking him home, I found a needle laying in my bathroom. :: So, I KNOW he was using this weekend. And, based on his actions, and the way he came down, I would say speed. Now...

How do I handle this? I am concerned for his health, but I will not tolerate this behavior in my home. He is 25, so do I tell his parents? They are both police officers. Do I confront him, and show him the needle? I want him to get better, but I do not know what to do at this point. :: ::


Thanks...
Tony
 

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theres not much you can do besides offer him support and help him through his recovery process. When he wants to be clean he will make the effort to get and STAY clean. Only when he really wants to get better is when he will.

be strong for him and be a good friend, even though he lied to you about using
 

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Gotta put him to the curb .
People try to wipe drug users butts too much .
As long as someone enables him to do the drugs , he will continue to do them . When he hits rock bottom , he will either go to the streets and end up dead or stop using and change his life .
Go to his parents and let them know , Im sure they know already . Im also sure they enabled him his entire life . Id also bet they keep doing so as long as they tolerate his stealing of thier belongings to pay for his habit .
Ask me how I know ?
 

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His actions speak for themselves.
He doesn't care about you or anyone else only the high.
He brings this into your home and exposes your nephew to this evil.Exposing his "friends" to danger.Are you willing to get arrested to be his friend.
You really want to be a friend?,tell his parents,and cast him out of your life until he is clean and permanently if he persists with the drugs.
 

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Go to his parents and let them know , Im sure they know already . Im also sure they enabled him his entire life . Id also bet they keep doing so as long as they tolerate his stealing of thier belongings to pay for his habit .
Ask me how I know ?
Wow, that's harsh! I also realize that it may be true. My wife's aunt has enabled her 45 year old son to be a drug addict for years. She has to hide her purse and her check book in her own home, and many times, she has paid off debts (including drug debts) for him. She even furnished him with money while he was in jail. ::

Tony,
Tell his parents. If it were my son, I would want to know so I might have a chance to help him. If the parents already know, it won't do any harm. If they don't, you might be doing your friend a big favor.

Good luck!
 

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That is a really hard call. Before I retired from the Navy, I was a Drug and Alcohol Program Advisor (DAPA) for a large command. I saw all types of cases come before me for initial evaluation. One of my duties was to evaluate the individual, arrange appropriate counseling and administer their Aftercare. It was also my duty to recommend to the C.O. whether a sailor should be discharged or not. Most of the cases I dealt with involved alcohol, pot or coke. BTW, the worst were the alcoholics because they seldom saw themselves as having a problem.

The best way to handle this is with firmness and support. You must be willing to walk away and he needs to know that.
Sometimes you have to sacrifice a friendship to save a friend. That means sitting down with him face to face and telling him that you know he's using again and that you want to support him getting clean again. Most of the time, the attitude will be that they don't need counseling or treatment, that they can do it themselves...NOT! If that's his attitude, walk. If he expresses a sincere desire to come clean, then be there to support him but set a time limit and stick to it. 72 hours is normally more than enough time to start the process. If he doesn't follow through, walk. You can't do it for him.

Do not threaten to tell his parents. They already know, especially if they are cops like you say. They need to practise tough love but most of the time parents cave and become enablers. Make no promises or threats unless you are 100% prepared to carry through with them.

Unfortunately, most users won't seek treatment until they hit bottom and even then its a minor miracle if they self-refer themselves.

Before you confront him, arm yourself with knowledge. Search the internet or better yet, pay a visit to a local Narcotics Anonymous meeting and tell them what you said here. If any one can help, its them. They know, they've been there and they are on their way back.

Good luck.

Steve
 

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A junkie's only friend is the needle. When high, life is ok and they will say anything and express remorse, or spin any kind of lie. The point is, since they are deceiving themselves, they cannot be straight with another. When they are not high, they are thinking only of getting high. They are in the grip and there is nothing left inside to resist. This means they have lost the cognitive ability, or even the memory of having the cognitive ability, to do anything other than scoring the next hit. You cannot help someone in that situation. You can only protect yourself and your family. You will be used and played as the drug has stolen his humanity. Walk away. If you have the faith for it, pray, but stay out of his life. The person there now is the shell of the person who used to be your friend and the beast living in the shell is the drug. Check out the video - Clean and Sober - Michael Keaton. It is an accurate portrayal of one type of drug scene, and the principal illustrated are true with your friend. You might consider contacting narcotics anonomous or alanon for their materials and programs for relatives of users. Get professional advice on how to deal with the situation and don't take the responsibility on yourself. That is a classic manipulation of a user, either consciously or subconsciously, to make another feel responsible for what the user alone has to do to clean up.
 

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You could organize an intervention with his parents if you think it might help, but at the end of the day if he's already been through treatment he knows the deal. I have tragic personal experience with this and one thing rings particularly true: only the addict can change, no one can help them but themselves. My choice was difficult, but it was clear that the only thing to do was to distance myself from the addict. Hopefully they'll change their life around and do positive things with it, if not, then the distance buffers me and my family from the destructiveness of the behaviour.

Good luck.

-bob
 

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I can't give you any advice from my personal experiances, so I'll base it on my own opinions. i think some people respond well to the "shock treatment" of getting hauled off to jail, locked up, etc. Others need that shoulder to lean on. I don't know your friend, so you'll need to decide which is the best method for confrontation. I think the bottom line is to be honest. Tell him to never come back until he's clean. Don't be his friend in the sense that you turn a blind eye to his habits. Be a friend that turns him in. If he needs help, get it for him. Be there if he needs anything. But don't support his habit. I guess just use common sense. Do what feels right. I would think his parents need to know. If he still lives in the area and is around them, I'd be surprised if they didn't already know. Cops see this stuff everyday and I've known very few that are actually stupid.
 

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Tony, You can lead a horse to water but in the end, all you can do is drown him. He has to make his own choices. My parents drink. I will not let my children see them. when they make the choice to sober up, the can then enjoy their grandchildren.

You mentioned his parents being cops. I almost lost my job when oldest some (17 at the time) was caught trying to buy a QP at school. fortunately for all, the deal fell through and Matt lost only the money he put up instead of other more severe ramifications. I would tell his parents. I would also tell your friend not to call unless he was looking for someone to take him to a 12 step meeting or something Ike it. Ultimately, the cards are all in his hand. Yes the deck is stacked against him, but with the help of a "card shark" he can eventually win the game.

Hope this helps... Good luck
 

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Don't call his parents, call the REAL cops. Take the needle and a sworn statement about where and how you found it to the local police station.

Do not expose your family to this guy.

John Harvey
 

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The only person that can help your friend is him self. They have to want it no matter what. Some times you have to hit rock bottom before it hits you between the eyes.

We have a guy the works for us that his nephew was strung out on dope. They found him this last weekend in some tall grass by a creek, he has been dead for 3 & 1/2 months from an OD. When he came up missing they looked all over for him but could not find him. I guess a hiker found him, he was 22.
 

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I'm, afraid I agree with the "tough love" approach. It may feel like you're "squealing" on him by informing his parents of his present situation, but he didn't give much thought to leaving a potentially dangerous needle in your bathroom, did he? For all that matter, that may have even been a cry for help, leaving it in an obvious spot like that.
Tell his parents. Tell the police. He obviously needs to be back into some kind of program, and maybe it'll stick next time. Problem is, only he can make the ultimate decision to MAKE it stick. Don't let him pull you down in the meantime. It feels like crap treating a friend like that, but believe me, as long as he's a junkie, he won't think twice about anything he does to you. Been there. Done that. Unfortunately, I was too soft hearted, but you learn the hard way. The only thing predictable about a junkie is how they'll act when it comes to getting the next hit.
With all sincerity, I wish you the best of luck.
 

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Hi Tony,

I have to say that I feel for you and that it is very difficult to give any definitive answer on this subject as people, causes and reasons are all different.

Some of the advice given here is excellent and the compassion and logic shown by some of the members responses has blown me away, take pieces from these words of wisdom and apply them to your friends situation.

Personal experience and experience with friends during the last - well too many years !! has told me that the addict is the only one that can make the decision to stop, methadone just tends to be another crutch for them to lean on if they don't really want to stop, I pulled myself out of a hole when my first child was born - it was a wonderful; to finally realize the true value of family, friends and community - a life changing, and possibly a life saving experience.

A couple of point I would like to make are; the user needs to make the decision themselves, they do need support, not orders, from friends and family (this is very hard) and lastly they should divorce themselves from that scene, a saying we have over here is: "if you sleep with dogs you are going to get up with fleas"

Good luck to you and your mate.

John......
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
WOW!


Thank you all so very much. I did confront him. He cried. We talked for a couple hours. And he is seeing a counselor tomorrow. (wednesday)
Thanks again to all of you.


T.
 

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Good for you...and him.
Good luck!
 
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