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Subject: Rules --from a man's perspective

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, golf, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what their saying anyway.)

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. Cars and trucks are as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping out.


Slade
 

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Things Guys Think Girls Should Know:

1. We're not as big of perverts as you think we all are.
2. No matter what you say, your ex-boyfriend is a *CENSORED*.
3. We like you to give us hugs and kisses sometimes too.
4. Don't argue with us when we call you beautiful.
5. Don't treat us like crap, what goes around comes around.
6. We know you're pretty, that's one of the reason's we're going out with you.
7. Don't go into detail about your period. It scares us.
8. If you have cramps and we ask you what's wrong, just tell us it's that time of the month and nothing more.
9. If you really liked us for us, you would let us think that our mustache, beard, or sideburns looked cool.
10. We never shave our legs. Get over it.
11. NEVER ask us if you can put make up on us. It's just wrong.
12. Don't make bets about us, because one of your friends will tell us, if you don't.
13. When we tell you that you're not fat, believe us.
14. We absolutely do not care about, The Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, 98 degrees, Hanson, or what any other guy looks like for that matter.
15. We may not be able to pee acurately all of the time, but at least we can stand up and go pee. /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif
16. Just cause you think you're always right, doesn't mean that you don't have to apologize when you do something "wrong".
17. You expect us to say and do sweet things for you, but it would be nice if you did the same every once in a while. We like to know that you love us.
18. We can't always be spontaneous, so try to help us make the plans sometimes.
19. Don't ask us to beat up another guy for you, cause you might just get what you wish for.
20. Never kick us in the nuts "just to see what we would say". /forums/images/icons/shocked.gif
21. Never pretend like you are going to break up with us and laugh when we believe you.
22. Pamela Anderson's boobs aren't fake anymore, but we like yours better anyway. /forums/images/icons/wink.gif
23. Size doesn't matter, except to idiots who don't want a relationship.
24. PMS is not an excuse.
25. If you want us to put the seat down when we're done, you should put it up when you're done.
26. Don't tell us how cute your ex-boyfriend was. That doesn't turn us on.
27. And always remember: The way to a guys heart is through his stomach.....and maybe....oh nevermind.
28. And last but not least: We know you're not always right, but we'll pretend like you are anyway.
 

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It's really too bad about that list. They are all spot-on accurate, but we can't just hand the list to the SWMBO, now can we? She would never forgive us. /forums/images/icons/smile.gif /forums/images/icons/frown.gif /forums/images/icons/blush.gif
 

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Ok, I gotta ask,
What does SWMBO stand for, or is
this not fit to print:).

Sorry if this ends up to be a double post.
 

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<blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr>

It's really too bad about that list. They are all spot-on accurate, but we can't just hand the list to the SWMBO, now can we? She would never forgive us.

<hr></blockquote>Oh man, you aren't gonna tell her I posted that, are you??? /forums/images/icons/shocked.gif I guess I'll be "camping out" on the sofa now! /forums/images/icons/wink.gif
 
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Discussion Starter #7
That is why you must own a couch that is more comfortable then your bed. Or do like my office buddy did and told his wife that if she is pissed at him, she can sleep on the couch. He isn't pissed and he is only going to sleep on the couch when HE wants to. It worked for him...

Ducboy: Check out this site. I know it took me a long time to figure some the stuff out.

http://www.mackrafab.com/vmf_lingo.htm
 

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I'm sending her a link right now.....
 

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Why is it that they complain when you fall asleep on the sofa watching TV, yet "force" you to sleep there when you've been "bad"??? /forums/images/icons/crazy.gif
 

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<blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr>

im glad im not married

<hr></blockquote>

Amen! More money for the Mustang!
 
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Discussion Starter #18
My couch is great!!! Ugly as hell...but the most comfortable thing I've ever slept on. I prefer sleeping on it (but don't tell her that)

Slade
 

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Most of it is so scarry, because it's so true. Especially about the toilet seat. LOL
 
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