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Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, " I think I'll
>squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes
>out ?"
>
>Who was the first person to say, " see that chicken there.....I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt "
>
>Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to
>a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat ?
>
>Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer ?
>
>If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song
>about him ?
>
>Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
>
>If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of
>a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat ?
>
>Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time,
>but don't point to their crotch when they as where the
>bathroom is ?
>
>Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway ?
>
>Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours ? The're both dogs !
>
>What do you call male ballerinas ?
>
>Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream ??
>
>If Wile Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap,
>why didn't he just buy dinner ?
>
>If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests ?
>
>If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
>vegetables, then what is baby oil made from ?
>
>If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from
>morons ?
>
>Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse ?
>
>Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star
>have the same tune ?
>
>Stop singing and read on..........
>
>Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup ?
>
>Why do the call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt ?
>
>Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face, he gets
>mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks
>his head out the window ?
>
>Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it
>arrive faster ?
>
>Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address
>in the first place ?
>
>
 

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4,774 Posts
A few more .

1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
4. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
5. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
6. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
7. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
8. Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.
9. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
10. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
11. He's not dead. He's electroencephalographically challenged.
12. She's always late. In fact, her ancestors arrived on the "Juneflower."
13. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
14. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
15. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
16. Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.
17. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
18. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
19. It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial costs and blame it on the higher cost of living.
20. Just remember if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
21. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
22. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
23. You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
24. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world population.
25. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
26. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
27. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking.
28. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
29. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.
30. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
31. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
32. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
33. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
34. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
35. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
36. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
 

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Hahah, One day I was visiting my friend at Coffee Bean where he works, and a guy did the exact same thing!!! Funny thing was that he blamed it on his glasses.

PS: Maybe it's cause I'm too young or not familiar with certain sayings, but I dont get "when the chips are down, the buffalo is empty." Can someone explain that to me?
 

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2,545 Posts
>Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star
>have the same tune ?
>
>Stop singing and read on..........

>
:eek: :eek: I can't believe I was singing. :eek: :eek:
 
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