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My name is Bob. Driving to my office this morning on New Mexico Interstate 40 near Central & Tramway. I looked over my shoulder to the left and there was a woman in a brand new Corvette, with her face up next to the rearview mirror putting on her eye makeup. I looked away for a few seconds, and when I looked back, there she was halfway over in my lane, still working on her eye liner. It scared me so bad I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the Krispy Kreme out of my other hand. In all the confusion,
of trying to straighten out the car with my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into my Starbucks coffee between my legs, splashed and burned BIG BOB and the TWINS, ruined the phone and disconnected an important call.


"lil old lady"

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

>Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
>Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
>Older Woman: Oh, I see.
>Officer: Can I see your license please?
>Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
>Officer: Don't have one?
>Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
>Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
>Older Woman: I can't do that.
>Officer: Why not?
>Older Woman: I stole this car.
>Officer: Stole it?
>Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
>Officer: You what?
>Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you
want to see.
>The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and
calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
slowly approaches the car, clasping his half! drawn gun.
>Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman
steps out of her vehicle.
>Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
>Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car
and murdered the owner.
>Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
>Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
>The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk
>Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
>Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
>The officer is quite stunned.
>Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
>The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands
it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite
>Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have
a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up
the owner.
>Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding too!
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