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[color:blue]First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is
Chi-ca-go, or Cha-ca-ga, depending on if you live North or South of Roosevelt Rd.

Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old,
throw it out and buy a new one. If you're in Naperville and your map is one day old, then it is already obsolete.

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.
Chicago has its own version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray."

There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed
chase in Chicago. We all drive like that.

The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening
rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be
rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

Construction on Northwest Tollway is a way of life
and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooooo much fun with that we have added Elgin
O'Hare and the I355 to the mix.

All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase,
"Oh, we're in Cicero!"

If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is
probably a factory defect.

Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.

All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the
right of way.
Period.

First Ave, LaGrange Rd, NW Highway, all mysteriously
change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples).

If asking directions in Cicero, you must have
knowledge of Spanish. If in Bridgeport, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet. If you stop to ask directions on the West or South side you better be armed.

A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum
of four hours,
although many north/south freeways have unposted
minimum speeds of 75.

The minimum acceptable speed on the Dan Ryan is 85.
Anything less is considered downright sissy.

The wrought iron on windows near Englewood and Austin
is not ornamental.

The Congress Expressway is our daily version of
NASCAR.

If it's 100 degrees, It's the Taste of Chicago.
If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, it's opening
day at Sox Park.
If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Western
open Golf Classic
is in the second round.

If you go to the Wrigley Field pay the $25.00 to park
"Cubs Lot".
Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages,
towing fees,
parking tickets, etc. If some guy with a flag tries
to get you to park
in his 'yard', run over him. </font color=blue>
 

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As a "FORMER" Napervillian I can add that you hit it right on!
The only thing you missed was the Chicago Taxi & METRA.
ADD:
Riding in a Chicago Taxi has two speeds, STOPPED and MAXIMUM.
 
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